How to Coach Your Children to Success

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In order to coach your kids to success you need to understand your children. By this I mean that you need to understand the world from their perspective, or at least have a good idea of where they are coming from.

This is incredibly crucial because if you are not meeting them in their world or at least trying to understand their map, then you are most likely trying to impose your map on them. This simply won’t work. The first thing you need to do is talk to your child. Ask questions and try to find out where they are coming from and why they feel the way they do.

You can use a technique called trans-derivational searching.

Trans-derivational searching is a way for you to help your child to find out where a certain belief or behavior is coming from and then to change that belief or behavior. To use this technique you need to develop a series of questions based on the belief or behavior. Each question will be an opportunity for your child to dig deeper into their mind and eventually find out why they think that way. Here is an example:

Your son says he is “no good in math.”
You ask, “What is the reason you think this or what is the specific problem?”

He says, “I cannot do it because of XXX.”
You keep asking questions such as the following:

  • Was there ever a time when you felt you could do it?
  • Imagine there is no XXX. What is it like and can you do your math then?
  • Have you ever not had XXX in your life?
  • When did XXX show up in your life?
  • How do you feel when you have XXX happening?
  • How can you rid your life of XXX?

These questions are designed to get your child thinking about what it would be like if the “reason” for the belief was not there. This allows your child to see that they have successfully completed math before, have had a time when XXX did not affect them or was not in their life, can imagine doing math without XXX, and can see a way to get rid of XXX. In the end, you can discuss strategies with your child and help them form a plan for success.

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2 Responses to “How to Coach Your Children to Success”

  1. Jera

    09. May, 2011

    HHIS I sohlud have thought of that!

    Reply to this comment
  2. Cactus

    10. May, 2011

    That’s more than ssneible! That’s a great post!

    Reply to this comment

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